So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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