Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
