I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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