I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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