theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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