Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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