I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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