Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.

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  (734): I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue. http://tfl.nu/xccr
  Replies (8) Good night (969) Bad night (3150)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.

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  (781): The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over. http://tfl.nu/6slb
  Replies (18) Good night (547) Bad night (4407)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell

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  (615): jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell http://tfl.nu/zqhf
  Replies (51) Good night (1346) Bad night (3518)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.

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  (701): I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America. http://tfl.nu/w2zj
  Replies (19) Good night (4288) Bad night (1285)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops

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  (757): He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops http://tfl.nu/nwlp
  Replies (28) Good night (6855) Bad night (1089)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.

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  (320): I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on. http://tfl.nu/x1xg
  Replies (21) Good night (6981) Bad night (1598)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am

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  (785): The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am http://tfl.nu/qtcn
  Replies (11) Good night (2571) Bad night (1533)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick

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  (608): Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick http://tfl.nu/ym1u
  Replies (9) Good night (1870) Bad night (533)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"

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  (773): while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future" http://tfl.nu/uwag
  Replies (17) Good night (4031) Bad night (639)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key

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  (609): Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key http://tfl.nu/pj3h
  Replies (7) Good night (1919) Bad night (703)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"

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  (520): I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito" http://tfl.nu/vbc5
  Replies (8) Good night (1016) Bad night (544)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.

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  (360): She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake. http://tfl.nu/n9ny
  Replies (7) Good night (438) Bad night (843)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.

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  (724): I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober. http://tfl.nu/htfr
  Replies (1) Good night (661) Bad night (291)
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  (714): View more from California

  I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit

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  (714): I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit http://tfl.nu/55p1
  Replies (2) Good night (552) Bad night (283)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.

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  (361): My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life. http://tfl.nu/e22l
  Replies (14) Good night (100) Bad night (450)

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