the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??