My sheets look like a crime scene.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
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I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
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It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.