u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
