No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt