I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.