I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
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Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
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Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So was this before or after he cried about trump?