Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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