Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
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This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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