I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You're a waste of cheezeits
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
