I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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