you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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