Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
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