yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
