I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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