I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
