I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
