i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize