Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
