Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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