John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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