There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
