My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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