wanna go halves on a baby?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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