I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
