can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
