conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
