I cannot find my penis.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
