but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
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Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
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I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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