alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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