Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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