he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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