@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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