I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Randomize
