WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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