Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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