his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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