never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
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What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
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I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
i out mim tonsoeep
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