I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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