My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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