did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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