i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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