I cockslap morals
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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