I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
