1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
