This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
