I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
