I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
