I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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