did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
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I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
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You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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