I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
