You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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