dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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