Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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